Second Rocket Jump

[unlessitsafarm]

Citizens of Mayfield, it has come to my attention that my household is in need of the services of a domestic specialist. My "wife" is currently incapable of cooking until otherwise noted and I will be damned if I allow her to work at half capacity until this problem is dealt with. THAT is not how a man of character operates! So while my "wife" is on leave, I will be requesting the aid of an private sector laborer.

In short, I need a maid.

I will be interviewing any possible applicants over the phone.

Comments

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

...Soldier.

Why can't you just do it?

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Boy do not make me come over there and beat you across the skull with a shovel. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHY!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

No, I really don't. I mean, I clean up sort of.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

It is not a MAN'S job to clean!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

I do it, anyway!

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

What are you some kind of girly man? Sound off like you've got a pair and find a REAL job, Private Twinkletoes!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

...Don't even get me started.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

DON'T GET STARTED, GET A HAIRCUT!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

...No.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Why not?!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

My hair's fine how it is. Really.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Too shaggy.

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

...Let me guess, you're going to bitch about my sideburns, too?

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

What kind of man wears his hair like that? A MAGGOT that's who!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

Tell me how many times I've defended the intel and control points without you even knowing what I looked like under my mask. I'm curious. Also curious if you even thought I was human.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

You wore a mask. It wasn't important.

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

Why does it matter now, then?!

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Your physical representation is considered part of the face of RED that the world sees! You need to be pristine! Pressed! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEmaculate!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

...Screw it, I'll just go back to wearing my mask around you.

[bornwithskison.livejournal.com]

Be a man and clean up your own mess. I'm not doing it. _{I did it for a few centuries and I'm not doing it again.}

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

THAT is not a MAN's JOB!

[luminols.livejournal.com]

Why don't you learn how to clean and cook yourself? It's not that hard...

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

MEN DO NOT COOK! THE ONLY CONCERN MEN HAVE OVER CLEANING IS THEIR OWN PRIVATE QUARTERS AND THEIR PERSON!

[luminols.livejournal.com]

A bit sexist, isn't it?

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

What in the Sam Hill is a "sexist"?

[luminols.livejournal.com]

... What do you think it means?

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Lady, I did not fight and bleed for this country to be asked smartass questions by what sounds like some college liberal BEATNIK.

[kleinefurstin.livejournal.com]

Incapable?

I believe the town has a maid service of its own, however.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Is that so? Mind telling me more, ma'am?

[kleinefurstin.livejournal.com]

I honestly don't know much about it, my house has never had the need for one. If you are not able to find anyone through this message, though, the phonebook might be of use.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Well thank you very much, ma'am, I will certainly give that a try.

I THOUGHT I'D JUST LEAVE THIS HERE http://i47.tinypic.com/16sxl3.jpg

[brbpouncingyou.livejournal.com]

Don't ladies like men who can clean and cook, Soldier?

I AM MORE THAN MILDLY HORRIFIED

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Those "ladies" tend to like other ladies, Private.

:|b

[brbpouncingyou.livejournal.com]

You sure? Just how would you know, sir?

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

I spent some time in a few seedy joints in Paris during the war, son. I wouldn't recommend it.