First Rocket Jump

[unlessitsafarm]

-The voice that comes over the phone is not happy. In fact, it is the epitome of angry.-

MEDIC! WHAT IN THE BLUE BLAZING HELL DID YOU PUT IN MY COFFEE, YOU SICK NAZI SON OF A BITCH!

...


... Mashed potatoes are good, though.



WHY AM I MARRIED TO A JAP? WITH A JAP SON?


... Turkey ain't bad either...


I WANT SOME ANSWERS AND I WANT THEM ON THE DOUBLE! AND THEY'D BETTER BE GOOD OR SO HELP ME GOD'S GREATEST NATION WILL COME DOWN ON YOU LIKE TEN KINDS OF SPECIAL HELL, YOU SORRY SACKS OF MAGGOT PISS!

Comments

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

Soldier.

... You're the last voice I expected to hear.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Pyro?! What in God's Great Name is going on in this hell?

... AND WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR MASK?

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

Holy shit, you actually recognized my voice.

...

I'm not wearing it so people can understand me, for once. I do have it, though.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

OF COURSE I DO! Don't you think I trained for this sort of bullshit in the way? Now explain to me what in the unholy pit of hell is going on here!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

Well. You're stuck in a town called Mayfield. You probably noticed the drones...don't do anything too crazy around them. Trust me on this. The town loops. I'm sure you noticed all of your stuff's gone, too. You can get it back...eventually.

Demoman, Scout, Heavy, and Engineer are all here, too.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

I haven't noticed a god damned thing! I'm stuck in a room with Tom Turkey!

AND JAPS!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

...Oh, yeah, the town is probably to blame for us being stuck. I think they expect us to sit down and have a "nice" Thanksgiving or some shit.

You aren't listening to me, are you?

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

You THINK that's what's going on?! IT EITHER IS OR IS NOT, PRIVATE TWINKLETOES!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

Goddamn, I did not miss this.

I said think because I'm not sure.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

THINKING IS FOR GUTLESS COWARDS! GET SURE OR GET LOST!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

...

Well. I think we're done here.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

... So you really don't know?

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

...

No, I don't.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Well.





Shit.

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

This happens a lot.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Then the answer is clear!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

...It is?

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

SHOCK AND AWE, PRIVATE, SHOCK AND AWE!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

I...don't think that'll help.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

Well has anything ELSE worked?

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

... No.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

EXACTLY!

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

You're going to try it whether or not I say it's a good idea.

[unless-itsafarm.livejournal.com]

It doesn't have to be a good idea if it's the only one.

[muffled-noises.livejournal.com]

... Your logic astounds me sometimes.