unlessitsafarm | First Rocket Jump

First Rocket Jump

-The voice that comes over the phone is not happy. In fact, it is the epitome of angry.-

MEDIC! WHAT IN THE BLUE BLAZING HELL DID YOU PUT IN MY COFFEE, YOU SICK NAZI SON OF A BITCH!

...

... Mashed potatoes are good, though.

WHY AM I MARRIED TO A JAP? WITH A JAP SON?

... Turkey ain't bad either...

I WANT SOME ANSWERS AND I WANT THEM ON THE DOUBLE! AND THEY'D BETTER BE GOOD OR SO HELP ME GOD'S GREATEST NATION WILL COME DOWN ON YOU LIKE TEN KINDS OF SPECIAL HELL, YOU SORRY SACKS OF MAGGOT PISS!

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Don't even PRETEND anything you just said coming out of that shithole you call a mouth made any lick of goddamned reasonable sense, you maggot!

What's that? I can't hear you over the stupid coming out of your mouth, dear sir! Perhaps you should try to not be a sub-human bitchy fuckface!

Edited 2009-11-28 15:11 (UTC)

You call that an insult? You couldn't insult your way out of a goddamned sissy convention you blistering puss-sucking dick tick!

I didn't know that you ran the sissy convention, Sergeant Dickface McCocksucker. Maybe you should also run a "my penis is tiny so I yell to overcompensate" convention, too!

My GOD, Private Twinkletits, do you know how to form a sentence without attaching a god forsaken swear word to it? That isn't insulting it's schoolyard pick-yer-nose-ing!

My good sir, while I may be swearing now, you're miserable, ignorant, stupid, wretched, and unlovable by even a mother. And later, I'll be using a cussless vocabulary.

No no, close but no cigar.

Except you're an ugly maggot-infested dog and nobody will ever like you because you suck.

THERE YOU GO, PRIVATE PRINCESS CHEEKS! Now you're insulting like a TRUE man!

...Princess cheeks? As opposed to what? Prince butt?

Would you PREFER to be a prince's butt?

I'd prefer to not be anyone's butt, actually.

Not bad, maggot. Not bad.

You got a name?

"Hunter" Allan. Either name works.

And to whom do I owe this "pleasantness" to?

On the battlefield I come from, names are superfluous! Therefore you can just call me "The Soldier".

...Wait a sec, you're one of those guys from RED, aren't you?

... Am I talking to a BLU?

Nah. I know Pyro, knew Spy, and talked to Heavy once or twice.

Do you consider yourself a stalwart ally of Reliable Excavation & Demolition, all of its subsidiaries, and the American Way?

I like to tear shit apart, and America's pretty cool.

Sure, why not? I guess I do consider myself as such.

Then by the power invested in me by the Upper Management of Reliable Excavation and Demolition, its subsidiaries, and... nothing else, really, you are hereby accepted as an interim member of Team RED.

Welcome to the force, Hunter.

Aaawesome.

But do I have to get an outfit? Mine's bloodstained red enough as it is.

You don't have a UNIFORM!? Son I'd better see you wearing red proper or there will be HELL to pay!

...Okaaay.

Where do I get one?

Are you trying to tell me that red clothing is in some kind of shortage?

GO TO THE STORE, YOU IGNORANT LITTLE HORSE SHIT!

(no subject)

brbpouncingyou.livejournal.com - 2009-12-03 04:51 (UTC) - Expand

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